FAQ

How does my order get to me? Is it by magic? Are you a warlock?
C'mon!
Is it safe and secure?
No, really, is it safe?
What if I want to return something?
And if we can't?
Are you making fun of me?
How can I pay for this?
Who are you and how can I give you a piece of my mind?
Who really made this stuff? You can tell me.
No one ever asked you any of these questions. Admit it.
Can we talk about colors?
Why is this site so slow?
I'm not whining. It's slow. It's taking away from what is otherwise an amazing experience.

How does my order get to me? Is it by magic? Are you a warlock?: I'm not going to dignify that with an answer.
C'mon!: Holy cow! Everything gets shipped through the United States Postal Service (i.e. the mail).
All orders are processed and shipped in a superquick manner (unless something unforeseen happens, gulp, now I've got myself worried).
Is it safe and secure?: Armed guards and a briefcase handcuffed to my wrists with fingers in my ears while singing the national anthem. PROMISE.
No, really, is it safe?: All the money stuff is handled by Paypal or Google Checkout, so.
What if I want to return something?: I'm a real person, okay? I'm assuming you're a real person.
I'd like to think that we can work it out like real people.
And if we can't?: Meet me at the top of the Empire State Building on New Year's Eve, no, wait, I mean, pistols at dawn...no, SABRES! On horseback! A battle of wits!
Are you making fun of me?: Yes.
How can I pay for this?: Get a job, you bum. No, seriously, marry into wealth. SERIOUSLY. We're starting out as simply as possible. That means everything goes through Paypal or Google Checkout. More payment options to come, maybe? Maybe?
Who are you and how can I give you a piece of my mind?: I have existed from the morning of the world and I shall exist until the last star falls from the night, no, that's someone else. Why don't you check out the "about us" page, sherlock? Email us at ohbygoshbygolly@gollygoshgee.com or use the handy form on the "contact us" page.
Who really made this stuff? You can tell me.: Me! I swear or affirm it! Really!
I drew the stuff and printed it! No kidding!
That's why there's only a limited amount of each!
No one ever asked you any of these questions. Admit it.: It's true. This faq was actually written by S. Morgenstern, but I edited out the boring parts.
Can we talk about colors?: Yes. The colors of the products may look different than in the pictures when viewed under a yellow sun. Seriously, all the colors in the product pictures are approximate. My color correcting skills are weak, but know that they're all in the ballpark and they tend to look better (whatever that means) in real life. You might have a problem if you're trying to exactly match the centerpiece from your wedding, but, really c'mon. It's not that I don't want your special day to be perfect, but maybe you should be dressing more formally for that anyway?
Why is this site so slow?: Stop your whining.
I'm not whining. It's slow. It's taking away from what is otherwise an amazing experience.: Okay, okay. Sorry.
It's a Zen thing, okay? Sometimes it's slow and sometimes it's not. It's good for you. It builds character. You should slow down, anyway. Stop and smell the roses. Also, it speeds up after it loads into the cache. Here's what you should do. First, put some music on. Now, go to a category page. Let it load. Go to a product page. Let it load. If it's slow, be patient. That wasn't so bad, was it? Now, all subsequent category and product pages should load in a fast and timely manner, and you have revealed a little more of your Buddha nature. Congratulations!